Alex Kidd: The manliest videogame hero of all time

You probably think I'm crazy. What, a little kid, with big ears, the manliest videogame hero of all time? Nah, that title belongs to Kratos, or Master Chief, or Solid Snake. Not to some old 8-bit has-been.
But why shouldn't it be? Alex Kidd is a forgotten hero. His game came out at about one year after Super Mario Bros for the NES. Only Alex belonged on the Master System, Sega's big 8-bit console at the time. And in my dear opinion, his big game kicked the crap out of Mario's game. Let's make the obvious comparisons.



Mario's screenshot doesn't show the whole screen, but I think we can see the obvious advantage here. Let's take a look at a few more facts. Mario's levels, were basically four different levels, built in different ways through the game. Alex Kidd's? Every single one of them was different, and it spanned many areas.
Could Mario do anything with his coins? Except getting that obvious extra life with 100 of them? I don't think so. You know what Alex did with his money bags? He bought stuff at the end of each level. You could choose between going through the game on foot, on a motorcycle, on a helicopter... I mean, how cool is it to blaze through an entire level on a cool bike, squashing enemies on the way? Did Mario ever do it? I don't think so.
As Mario had power ups, Alex also had power ups. Alex had a fire ring, just like Mario had the fire flower. And a few other things, like a cane which allowed him to fly temporarily and gain invencibility, a powerup that allowed alot of tiny clones of him kick the ass of whatever enemy was in front of him, and so forth. Alex's, unlike Mario's, were activated by going to the main menu, and using them. Alex had an inventory screen.
Not only that, Alex also had different, colorful bosses. A story. A hidden continue option. And ALOT MORE. The game had the one-hit kill which made it kind of hard, but it reeked of masculinity. How?

Alex Kidd, didn't need to jump on an enemy, or spin through it. He PUNCHED. And with his punch, the enemy dissapeared in a cloud of smoke. That's one hell of a punch. He also didn't require stupid mushrooms. It was one hit, one kill. And damn the odds, he punches through everything. The fact that he's got a motorcycle to ram enemies with, only adds to the sheer testosterone that the game exales.
In his first game, he not only defeated the evil dudes with his fists, went through land and sea (and didn't even require underwater breathing because he was too awesome), and in the end, he rescued his brother, and BECAME KING. Huh? Huuuuuh? Mario never became king, and he keeps rescuing a princess he's supposedly in love with! How many game characters in the 80's became monarchy leaders, huh? And in the end of each level, he eats a burger. Because burgers are AWESOME.

Now I ask you. After Alex kicked every single ass there was to kick in his world, what did he do? He went to ANOTHER WORLD to kick more ass, obviously! But he couldn't just go to any world.
HE WENT TO SHINOBI WORLD. TO KICK NINJA ASS. Fuck yeah!
I mean, he just can't be more manly, even if he tried. Of course, his game The Lost Stars does put that a bit into question, but it had more kiddy visuals, after all.
His other game, High Tech World, is based on a single thing: "Are you willing to go through a forest filled with ninjas and monsters on your way to the nearest arcade?", and Alex's answer is the obvious. Hell yeah!

Most recently, our beloved character is back on Sega Superstars Tennis. I look forward to getting this game, so I can see him in action once more. I just wish he had a proper new generation game. It would rock.